Reaching
by Auroura
Summary: A collection of poems relating to Kingdom Hearts. Various pairings. Contains yaoi, yuri, and het. Newest - Asymptote, with Naminé, Sora, and the Riku Replica.
1. Tidal

**Tidal**

aquamarine  
and lapis and indigo  
and lapis  
and cinnamon chocolate  
and a peachy pink  
and the sweetest exhale.

wanting to breathe it in,  
the salt and ocean,  
the caress of the wind,  
the slide of the sand,  
the warm water  
and the cool leaves.

a turn,  
surprise,  
and thick eyelashes,  
catching and stumbling  
and inhale  
in curved silk,  
and an inhale.

so close,  
the wind murmurs,  
so very close,  
the waves whisper,  
so far,  
the hand begs.

the tendons move,  
just under the skin,  
so delicate,  
a conservation of energy,  
an efficient bend,  
so strong.

the pulse rushes  
from the ear  
from the shell  
from the body  
from the blood  
from the heart.

breath and breeze,  
sun and moon,  
rise and fall,  
beginning and end.  
what do you want?  
keep still,  
under the fronds.

Who do the waves belong to?  
who belongs to the waves?  
i only belong to you.


	2. At The Station, 546

**At the Station, 546**

I want to believe  
that this is true,  
but something shaking  
is telling me different.

A long subway ride  
in no particular direction  
would be something nice,  
I had thought,  
to hear the rhythm  
of the rails underneath.

It's almost as if  
someone's taken sandpaper  
to my insides  
and to my outsides,  
and a given a friction burn  
to set me on fire with.

And I can feel  
with flames on my fingertips  
wanting to burst forth  
and be surrounded  
by the crackle  
at least one time.

If a subway ride  
could swallow it up  
and send it away,  
I would have done so already,  
but I can't help think  
that something is missing.

It wants to burn away,  
leave behind nothing  
where a hole once was,  
and I have to choose  
to turn inside out  
and create an opposite  
instead of an absence.

It's only a short while  
until I can awake  
with suitcase in hand  
and exit at the station.


	3. A Portrait

**A Portrait of Discovery, Destruction, and Creation**

I had to leave  
to make things right,  
to stop the silence  
from taking over  
the memory  
of what you were.

It was too late  
to try to salvage  
that towering castle.

And the only way  
to stop your destruction  
was to begin it again,  
and she decided  
to watch and follow.

She drew a picture  
of how we were,  
lovingly crafted  
through a child's eye.

And through the lines,  
the soft and warm glances,  
I discovered  
you had awoken.

I discovered  
I was wrong.

I discovered  
that friendship  
exists both around  
and inside.

I discovered that two hearts,  
battered and bruised,  
broken and half-full,  
can make a new one,  
all by themselves.

I discovered  
we could feel,  
discovered  
we could love.


	4. I Will

**I Will**

Sing to me  
in your firebright tongue  
of wishes and promises,  
and make me  
yearn for the day  
when waves crash  
on the glimmering shoreline.

Tell me a story  
of a distant land,  
fruitful gardens  
shaped into metal cities,  
how we'd save each other  
just by loving enough.

Back to back  
and face to face,  
in the shining moments  
stretched out forever,  
would be enough for me.

And even if  
the end will come,  
I can sleep soundly,  
my head on your shoulder,  
driving down the dark highways  
out of time and space.

And when you ask me  
if I want to  
be in love,  
I will say yes.

* * *

Notes: This was partially inspired by CaideSin's fic **Beautiful**.

Recommended Listening:  
No One Would Riot for Less by Bright Eyes  
I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab For Cutie  
Beautiful by Tomo-chan


	5. Bird of Glass

**Bird of Glass**

Someone forgot to color in  
the sky today,  
and forgot  
to color in you.

A dusky rose  
instead of pink  
and pale ash  
instead of vibrant blonde,  
and does it ever feel  
like you're disappearing?

You were not made  
to be in foregrounds,  
but always in the back,  
the spectre of a thought,  
unheard and unseen.

I wonder which  
holds more terror for you,  
dreams of cold hands  
and creeping nightshade,  
or soft laughs  
and the sharp knowledge  
you've already woken up?

You exist in grayscale,  
and speak in the question  
between yes and no.

And which,  
I wonder,  
do you find more real,  
warm breath on your cheek  
and a voice in your ear,  
or the soft pastels  
of an imaginary prince  
at the base of a tower?

Your skin is as weak  
and thin as paper,  
your eyes blind  
and clear as glass.

He bids you to sing,  
and a piercing scream  
exits your throat as a whisper,  
and he strokes your feathers,  
long and yet not luxurious,  
and you do not struggle  
and he does not bother  
clipping long-unused wings.

Nothing about this confinement  
is solitary.


	6. Reaching

**Reaching**

he wants to hope,  
wants to reach and  
he remembers a time when he  
won he won everything won  
everything all the time all the

every time they ran,  
and it was a race it was  
supposed to be for her,  
a race for a prize a  
race for something they both  
wanted and he wanted it and he  
wanted him he wanted to

he did horrible things,  
horrible things in the dead of  
night in the  
darkness,  
and it was for  
them only for them he would do  
anything for them,  
he would give his body to the darkness,  
he would submit and close his eyes and

running up so many flights of  
stairs and shadows and  
ghosts without bodies to house,  
only his body only his  
body walking around like it was him and  
bodies filled with nothing with  
nothing at all was inside them,  
and there were so many  
stairs but at least he had a

purposely going after him he  
covered his eyes in black,  
wrapped himself in shadows from those  
blue blue eyes those  
eyes that haunted him that didn't  
remember a single thing all those  
memories of running and fighting and  
his world was made of blue eyes he was  
losing and he lost again,  
and then he won by becoming his

he was a shadow chasing after the  
light his light he came as close as he  
dared he took chances and  
pulled away in fear he was  
afraid he was waiting for judgment,  
he could not hold he was  
weak he would begin to

collapsing on the ground and the  
sand and the grit and the waves,  
and being picked up by those  
blue blue eyes that remembered and  
smiled and he wanted to stay here  
forever stay only on the other  
side of the world his world was only him  
only his eyes it was  
so very small but it was

he is home at last and his world is  
safe and the earth he walks upon as  
well everything is whole and  
perfect he is so perfect to him,  
and he wants to hope and he  
wants to reach,  
and he knows he never will.

* * *

Reccommended Listening:  
Soldier - globe


	7. Plum

**Plum**

A soft breeze blows,  
going through branches,  
fluttering in place.  
Using something bigger  
to get something small,  
you adore the prize  
in your hands.

With a dark shine  
protecting the inside,  
everything is perfect  
for a moment.  
And you rip it apart,  
and it is delicious.

The juice is on your fingers.

You smile and laugh  
because you are happy,  
reveling in your treasure.  
And then it is gone,  
but you might disagree.

You keep the pit as memory.


	8. Nots and Crosses

Note: This is **not** the original format of this poem. FFnet does not allow multiple spaces before characters at the beginning of a line, and the "blinding white" sequence should be read as a cascade, single-spaced, moving diagonally down and to the right with each line. PM me or leave a note in your review if you want the original version.

**

* * *

Nots and Crosses**

Here, you are not,  
she said with a smile,  
soft and almost silent,  
lavender and blue pastels  
dancing in her eyes  
and a pale pale paler hand  
holding her hair close  
in the light breeze.

What am I not?  
he begs to know,  
unsure and disbelieving  
as his eyes like falling  
upside-down into the sky  
slowly harden into the metal  
he bleeds out around himself  
to replace his foundations.

Anything,  
she said as her eyes grew,  
but could not bring themselves  
to shed any tears,  
though she longed for it,  
even if just for his sake.

I don't want to be not,  
he tries to scream,  
but the vertigo overpowers  
and he spins spins in on himself,  
and his breath leaves him  
as he fails to not collapse,  
to not fail to understand.

It's not so bad,  
she lied with her honest face,  
and if she could do it right,  
he could be be different  
and not like the rest at all,  
this time she was doing it right,  
she'd been perfecting for years.

You're wrong,  
he yells and twists away  
run running anywhere,  
away from her promise of not  
to a place that is a where,  
only holding in posession  
his two crescent-scarred fists.

I am not and not is right,  
she calmly circled,  
raising a hand to the void  
as pastel flowed in like silk  
and closed his hands his feet,  
his mouth as she stared.

As the last one  
fell,

his vision d r i f t e d into the  
b l i

n d i

n g

w

h

i

t

e

.

---ing ring ring!  
And he will wake up,  
slam his hand on the alarm,  
get dressed and ready,  
always just this side of on time,  
and he will walk down the stairs  
and go outside and be someone.

...ays...this side...  
...lk down t...rs and...  
...outsi...be som...

The screen has static  
they need to fix the speakers,  
and the technology isn't perfect,  
but it'll do for now.

I think it worked well,  
she said towards the screens  
as the white glow reflected  
into her paper papery skin  
and tattooed one hundred percent  
onto her translucent face.

You are too soft,  
they say in deep voices,  
holding copies of the report,  
swiftly calculating the columns,  
totaling one hundred percent zero,  
and at least they are on budget.

I gave him a nice dream,  
she murmured to herself  
as she turned and walk walked  
silently to the glass case,  
put her hand on the surface,  
and thought she could be happy  
smiling at his sleeping face.


	9. Barges

**Barges**

i don't mean  
to switch so much,  
but i can't help  
crossing the wires  
of my intentions.

i try so hard  
to let my guard down  
when you tell me  
that you love me,  
that you're not like them.

i want to let you,  
but i'm not willing  
to be your princess.  
you have to let me  
fight for what i want.

and what i'm fighting  
is an overwhelming urge  
to not be  
so utterly confined,  
watching instead of doing.

what i want to do  
is pirate away  
your sapphire heart  
and take you with me  
to distant waters,  
where sun and sand  
make you sparkle.


	10. Breath

**Breath**

a world composed entirely  
of smiled whispers  
and feather-light touches,  
something about the sparkle  
drifting on the wind,  
looping and diving gently  
before touching lightly  
on the edge of awake.

a dream that nudges  
the corners of sleepy eyes,  
half-masted with long lashes  
drawn as the thinnest lines  
on a pen-and-ink face.

a wish kept and held  
in the space behind the heart,  
fluttering softly with each breath  
and cradling gently  
the delicate sort of hope  
made of pale fingers  
and lips parted in a curve.

a lilting and airy voice  
threading and wafting slowly,  
eyes smiling and holding  
song and thought and gaze,  
before moving into the light.

* * *

Note: This was partially based on my soon-to-come fic, Awakenings, And has to do with Axel, Roxas, and a certain pilot that may or may not appear :)


	11. Whirlpool

**Whirlpool**

The center of this ocean,  
dragging you down  
into the very depths  
of the swirling waters,  
drowning in your soul.

This whirlpool sucks you in,  
clamping down on arms,  
taking hold of legs,  
crushing your breath.  
You scream in water.  
You don't scream out.

You can't say a word,  
but you wouldn't anyway,  
you seal yourself shut  
when it gets too close.

You can't go back there.

And your memories of the deep  
are pitch-black and incomplete,  
and you could never float  
as well as you wanted to,  
because once it happens,  
you never forget sinking  
when you still soak all over.

Or are you still under?  
Do you still feel the pressing  
of the spinning whirlpool?

Is that the reason why  
you can't breathe?


	12. Rain

**Rain**

rain pounding  
as i try to explain  
without saying anything

heart pounding  
as i ask myself  
how much i want this

sky pressing down  
as i try to get away  
from thinking of this

world pressing in  
as i cover my mouth  
from betraying hope

water covering all  
as i scold myself  
for letting this happen

silence covering all  
as i convince myself  
to not do this

atmosphere shielding  
as i sigh quietly  
so no one hears

universe shielding  
as i finally bow  
to the inevitabilities.


	13. High Peak

**High Peak**

herd to define,  
in evasions and the unsure  
self-deprecation well-practiced,  
time and time again the held breath,  
the unspoken restraint  
between desires and actions.

something deliberately slow,  
cautious,  
always always ready for the  
final straw,  
the one thing  
that can never be undone  
because you can never forget,  
especially when it is so easy  
to do exactly that.

and i would have let you  
let me walk away,  
and i tie my hands  
to know where they are,  
and if they are my hands,  
they would always reach towards you  
and even if you saw  
the contents of my head,  
there is still too strong of a gravity  
that the words are swallowed  
before they leave my mouth.

and i am so tired  
of feeling so tired  
and being too tired to hide it  
that once again,  
i have turned away  
with the intention to leave,  
but every time i turn,  
it is getting harder and harder  
to remain silent,  
easier and easier  
to count the days  
until my hands betray me  
and reach towards you  
as before.

even knowing,  
i would,  
i always slip into the same habits  
that push and pull at everything,  
at me and you,  
tongue blocked once more  
by what,  
i don't know,  
i can't explain it.

and i would whittle away  
from the inside out,  
but i will if i must,  
so it's better this way.

* * *

Note: Partially inspired by Dualism's Flower on a High Peak. A tearjerker, but so good and so _true_ to the characters ;_;


	14. Nocturne

**Nocturne**

Sitting on a beach,  
instrument in hand,  
and everything is  
blue blue blue.

Something is moving,  
just under the surface,  
and the sunset has faded  
into the dark dark blue.

A half-memory rises  
out of the water,  
the flick of a tail  
and a half-forgotten song.

A fervent wish  
to dive beneath  
the waves to memory,  
be lost at sea.

But then on the shore  
a melody rises,  
soft and haunting,  
bleak and alone.

Voice and strings  
weave in and out,  
then drift and disappear  
into the night.


	15. Rhubarb and Absinthe

**Rhubarb and Absinthe**

you smell of acid and snow  
and soot and mint  
and custard and salt

your hair is like rhubarb  
and your eyes are like absinthe

you have something poisonous  
and always very very sharp  
with the razor of a collarbone  
and a body stretched out  
the hollow of your throat

you carry batteries in your pocket  
a lighter but no cigarettes  
a couple of dimes  
an id that might be legal  
a knife to slit throats

your pants and boots  
something to cover your arms  
a drawstring hood  
short gloves  
tight and black and laughing

you always know something  
a bit of smirk  
hair spiked  
touch of eyeliner  
yet incomplete when he -

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Old Dogs Never Die - The Lawrence Arms  
I Was A Prayer - Alkaline Trio


	16. Sleep

**Sleep**

sleep now,  
in the soft ocean  
of smiles and sighs.  
this is your chance  
to fix the world.

reality takes a backseat  
to the possibilities  
of an uncertain  
time in sand,  
daring the image  
to not go away.

the many views,  
the many existences,  
give you your space  
to freely state  
your existence.

go to sleep,  
and i'll try  
not to wake it.


	17. Submission

**Submission**

Blue plasma,  
and burning garbage,  
and the stink of it,  
the stink of it.

Something thicker than smoke,  
choking,  
filling up your lungs.

You don't have a choice.

It's not expected,  
can't prepare for it,  
nowhere at all,  
except in hindsight.

Can't leave,  
you are not yours.  
Not anymore,  
not in the black,  
the uncleanliness of it.

A prisoner,  
in tires and acid,  
and thick thick nausea.  
It doesn't belong to you,  
and yet you must breathe,  
this poison and decay.

It's not,  
it's not something to own,  
it is to be taken away,  
the cold and the sickness,  
the stench.

What you came here for,  
is not something to possess,  
not for you,  
nothing you gained.  
An objective,  
in search of an object.

The smell,  
the smell,  
will not go away,  
will not ever be forgotten.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance  
Lillian - +44


	18. The Art of Vanishing

**The Art of Vanishing**

"I can't help but feel,"  
she said,  
hugging herself tightly,  
trembling all the while,  
"as if you're not here."

And where,  
between the jokes,  
fake smiles and painted tears,  
did you run off to?

Straining against the current,  
arms slashed  
by razor-sharp wind,  
as you lash out  
in return and desperation,  
you're bleeding out  
and fading away.

"You can't be the one,"  
whispered like a secret,  
a silent storm of unheard horror,  
"who shatters first."

You can't confuse  
implosion and explosion,  
even if it's  
trying to be both.

"I'm not strong enough,"  
pleading and tearing,  
matching scream for scream,  
"to save us both."

A pause  
in the torrent.  
The stripping  
of the cacaphony.  
The embers  
from the conflagration.

"Maybe,"  
he said,  
slowly and softly,  
and just as shakily,  
"tomorrow would be better."

* * *

Suggested Listening:  
Feel the Silence - The Goo Goo Dolls  
Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls  
Fireflies - The Lawrence Arms  
Maybe I'll Catch Fire - Alkaline Trio


	19. Static

**Static**

static

- - -

and then silence.

-

- -

-

lost in the cracks  
slipped though the unsaid  
and the subtleties  
that hide too much,  
waves only on the edge,  
ears crash so you can hear them,  
cold,  
as always.

-

and i said it

-

and i said it

-

and you didn't listen

-

- -

-

it's not enough  
when it should be.

-

- -

there is always more  
for you to do,  
always,  
because giving up  
is the same as forgetting  
is the same as not sorry  
is the same as not

- -

-

you?  
is it too complicated  
for that?

-

i should know that

-

i should know that

-

we should have known,  
and we didn't.  
we never stopped to think  
about the future  
the past,  
or each other.

so wrapped up in it,  
and uncertainty,  
and wanting to know.

-

- -

-

if i thought you bothered  
or would tell me anything,  
was i wrong?

-

- -

i'm wrong about  
a lot.  
a lot of things,  
i'm wrong about them.  
it's comforting to know,  
sometimes.

- -

-

i

-

what is my fault

-

- -

- - -

sometimes,  
i still think,  
i'm glad to be sorry.  
i don't want you to be.

- - -

- -

-

the static.  
it wasn't kind.  
i wouldn't expect it to be.

-

is that reassuring?

-

is that reassuring?

-

would you want it to be?

-

i would keep on being sorry  
forever,  
if i thought it would work,  
but sometimes,  
i'd at least  
like you to notice it.

* * *

Notes: Partially based on my Awakenings verse, especially **Memory's Skyscraper: August**, and how those events are revealed in a later fic.


	20. Fine Bone China

**fine bone china**

she takes her tea  
in a fine bone china cup.  
there's a metaphor in that somewhere,  
but we don't dwell on the past  
when we can see it in action  
right across the table.

she's practiced at it for ages,  
but i seem to have forgotten  
if it's been an instant  
or an eternity since the last time  
i placed a gentle kiss  
to the back of her hand.

she stands up slowly,  
with an incline of the head  
as i stumble to follow,  
hair over her pale shoulder  
and silent steps towards the door,  
rugs passing silently  
under delicate feet.

she cleanses herself  
to prepare for the ritual.  
with closed eyes,  
a deep breath and chanted words  
as fingers dance gracefully  
in a now-familiar pattern.

she encourages me to mumble along,  
and i search for the words,  
ancient and strange  
with an unpracticed tongue,  
my own hands clumsy and unsure,  
so that her prayer  
will soon reach the heavens.

she turns when it is over,  
pace sedate and measured,  
motions for me to take her hand  
and lead her back once more  
to the usual tower  
draped in pale gauzes.

she sighs silently,  
mourning-dove chest out of tune  
but accepting lips to hand  
as each time before  
with the smallest smile,  
and then the day continues.

* * *

**Recommended Listening:**  
Innocente - Delerium  
Missing You - KHII OST  
Thanatos - NGE OST  
In The Shadow, In The Light - Enigma


	21. Raspberry Vinaigrette

**Raspberry Vinaigrette**

the soft tang of raspberries  
on the edge of your lips,  
mixed with the sharpness  
of the vinegar-bitter  
undertone,  
the call and then the  
response  
borne of what  
reason cannot tell

and something floating  
almost out of reach,  
save the precious few instants  
when clarity intermingles  
with nostalgia and the longing  
of some far-away day  
full of sticky hands  
and pink-stained cheeks

and what seems a lifetime ago  
is now preserved and catalogued  
as if in a museum  
of half-filled dreams  
and the hushed sound of  
saltiness stifled once again

but this time,  
this time will be different,  
and if you can push the bitter  
down and away,  
at least for now,  
then it must follow that eventually,  
eventually it will happen  
in such a way as to  
ripen,  
at least once

at least the same as  
when blossoms give way to  
berries on a tangled vine  
and some little boy  
reaches past the thorns  
for you.

* * *

Notes: This one was inspired by part 2 of my Roxas/Riku fic, **Memory's Skyscraper: August**, which you will all hopefully get to see very soon [once it's out of beta].


	22. My Teeth, Your Throat

**My Teeth, Your Throat**

a clench of the teeth  
gone to a roll of the eyes,  
a denial  
gone to wittiness and sarcasm,  
a push back  
gone to sharpness and steel

like cats in the jungles,  
circling,  
a swishing of tails,  
calculated and clawed,  
and there are bullets  
in the words of this gun,  
the one you took,  
pretended to give back,  
tried to take again,  
and finally lost for good

irony  
and always a demand,  
to make things at least even,  
because it's fucking _miles_  
if you ever stop paying attention  
to the slow creep  
of ammonia and pitch  
and deceptive smiles,  
like it's become a reflex  
to close fists  
and kick legs

teeth in the throat,  
like something silent and crouching  
out of sight only this moment,  
only the moment before the leap,  
with the tongue stuttering  
some mixed-up prayer  
as the very devil himself  
sings the harmonic  
right along with you

i could write a fucking _symphony_  
on claws and thieves,  
and things that  
don't look like them,  
and you could be the first  
oil-slick ever  
to hear it,  
if you wanted

but people don't always get  
what it is they want,  
and that's such a simple lesson  
that it's really quite amazing  
it took you so long  
to teach it to me,  
but all we ever got  
to show for it  
were sliced-up animal skins  
and one more feral barren savannah

bullets slipping out from  
under your bloodstained tongue  
have never been the same  
as flattery  
towards a favorite pet  
that's learned to bury  
itself in the litterbox,  
so don't presume  
to confuse a disembowelment  
with butterflies in the  
stomach

i'd bleed to death  
from each and every  
papercut-beebeesting-_syllable_  
before lifting my head back  
for enlightenment to come  
in through the jugular.

I'd like to introduce you  
to reciprocity, at times  
(and wouldn't _that_ be funny?  
i bet you'd laugh  
before you realized it  
wasn't a joke),  
I'd use my bare fucking hands.  
But I won't,  
so let's just not be friends.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish - My Chemical Romance (&others)  
Disaster Button - Snow Patrol  
This Is A Lovesong... For The Loveless - The Juliana Theory (&others)  
Wild - Poe (&others)


	23. It Only Needs To Work Once

**It Only Needs to Work Once**

It only needs to work once.  
Surely, the successes of one  
will build on existing knowledge,  
then leading to innovation,  
improvements upon trials,  
and a coalescence of ideas  
into what is new and compelling.

You only need to go there once.  
Two times will truly  
emphasize the experience,  
and three or more can likely  
drive the point home for certain,  
but resources must be used wisely,  
and long-term objectives  
must be considered carefully,  
prior to critical endeavors.

It only needs to be said once.  
If the speaker has clarified  
their position and perspective,  
a modest collection of themes  
will convince more readily  
than constant pressure  
and inoculating redundancy.

It only needs to work once,  
but if correct measures are taken  
and carried out thoroughly,  
with proper discretion and calm,  
it will work every time.


	24. In the Walls

**In The Walls**

ghosts in the walls  
of someone you haven't met,  
little girls and little boys,  
big-eyed in shorts and sandals,  
beyond what you can do,  
born with unknown meaning  
and undefined futures,  
living in a future-past,  
unaware,  
preparation both too much  
and not enough.

and he's four years old  
with a girl he needs to protect,  
but can't be pushed  
to the ways of his fathers.  
and she's four years old,  
should probably be a good girl,  
but can't be pushed  
to a traditional passivity.

and he wants to know  
about the world outside,  
but doesn't like thoughts  
of expectations and constant battle.  
and she wants to know  
what makes her up,  
but struggles for thoughts  
of tension and degree.

and she's ten-eleven years old  
with dirt on her nose,  
wrinkles in her clothes,  
and fire in her eyes.  
and he's twelve years old,  
something sleeping in the background  
and happy to stay there,  
unless circumstances ask otherwise,  
but they'd both go together  
at the drop of a hat.

and it's the daily adventure,  
inquisitive and carefree  
(and there's thirteen and fourteen, too),  
ready for everything and more.

until it turns real.

and he hates the fighting,  
hates how good he is at it,  
but continues nonetheless  
because there's no one else but them.  
and she doesn't know  
who she's supposed to follow,  
black-white and father-mother,  
or if the answer is neither.

and the traveling,  
and the searching,  
and the importance placed on who  
on what and where,  
and she feels caught in the middle,  
and he can't get used to the feeling,  
and _where on earth are they going?_

and she's fifteen years old,  
with nails digging into palms in grey,  
the ever-constant comparisons  
she can't escape from.  
and he's sixteen-seventeen years old,  
gone down so many dead-ends  
looking for something undefinable,  
or the universe and everything else  
is going to fall apart.

and she's shown him the way  
(though he's led a few turns himself),  
but sometime eventually,  
they've got emergence and equilibrium.  
and no one's there for them to ask,  
but they've managed something,  
or at least,  
their own something.

and lives go past  
the ends of the stories,  
but now's a good time  
for future-past  
to wait until the present,  
or at least a little while.

* * *

This was written about two characters that appear in one of the sequels to **Awakenings**, but you can also see it as Sora and Kairi if you wish :)


	25. Obligations

**Obligations**

something scraped at,  
all those tiny little scratches,  
a chessboard sunk into the skin,  
and the few deep,  
gone too...  
only ever in a whisper,  
pushed down and blotted out,  
stuffed away as long as possible.

and every little prick,  
every drop of blood consumed  
brings with it the belly's growl  
and eternal churning hunger,  
craving for...  
a denial and restriction,  
distractions pulling away,  
to anything else.

and if you listened,  
if you ever did  
the one...  
would it ever be different?  
where does the exhale go?

from the mouth of one  
to the breath of another,  
unavoidably moving down the chain,  
to the never-last inhale,  
and if you swore to me,  
swore you'd never...  
could i again?

i've lost part of the sense,  
but can't find myself  
wanting anything back  
from...  
but baby steps  
until shoes kick up,  
at least similar to before.

if there's an obligation,  
at least...  
even if just once.


	26. You

**You**

one two one  
two  
blackwhite gray and  
peach  
through blue green  
bluegreen  
one two three  
and pinkpeach  
orange red  
redpurple  
one two  
one red  
black  
white black  
orange three one  
with gray four fivesix  
yellowwhite yellow  
black two peach  
blue tan green  
and one two  
white red red  
purple green blueblack  
three two one  
gray.

I can't find the answers.  
I get caught up in  
almost and  
why and  
because and  
when.

bluegreen blue  
two peachpink  
one.

black three white  
redorangeyellow  
purple gray one  
two.

It got inside-out again,  
but I ran out of time  
for objectivity.  
I can't find motives anymore,  
and I don't know if  
looking for them  
is the wrong idea.

pinkredred purple  
green blue oneblack  
orange.

I don't remember  
you telling me.  
You'd think I would.

* * *

Inspired by events in KH1, **Awakenings**, **Temptation** (one of the sequels to **Awakenings**), and the untitled sequel to **Temptation**.

I have a color version of this, if anyone wants to see it. PM me or leave a note in your review if you're interested.


	27. Paint Thinner and Kerosene

**Paint Thinner and Kerosene**

pouring,  
dipping a toe in,  
a finger to taste,  
coating the clothes  
and soaking the skin,  
a slow burn  
to cleanse and purify  
until ready for the  
match.

nothing so sudden,  
but the gradual saturation  
waiting to oxidize  
and slowly puddle,  
rinsing and smoothing flakes  
into bends and hollows,  
eliminating corners or  
jagged edges  
and blending concaves  
and the gentle concessions.

the world does not long abide  
a sharp protrusion,  
and seeks to even  
each opaqueness  
into something thinned and flexible,  
and any paint will slowly  
dissolve into the dampness  
and wash away,  
leaving only the essential,  
ready to build once more.

* * *

Partially inspired by my forthcoming fic, **Whisper**.

Recommended Listening:  
Turpentine Chaser - Dashboard Confessional  
If You Can't Leave It Be, Might As Well Make It Bleed - Dashboard Confessional


	28. Didn't

**Didn't**

One more one more  
let's go let's  
go already,  
again with the  
dirty pink water  
counting down the seconds until-  
no,  
wait,  
let's try that again.

Salmon swimming upstream,  
but how true  
could that have ever been  
if you've groundhogged yourself  
and come out dizzied  
asthmatic in which in  
which-  
no,  
rewind that one  
past the stutter,  
and fix the sound.

Just hit it if  
it keeps doing that,  
and let's move on.

You 95'd it  
all the way,  
didn't you?  
Can't get a partial  
scenic route  
for the tiptoe  
neon backlit sermons  
in the underground of  
work work wo-  
whoa,  
hey,  
I'm not sure that's an  
appropriate use.  
Those things cost money,  
you know.

I spent a lot of  
time when I  
let them lie at  
your feet.

Hey,  
hey,  
are you even  
listening to me?  
I said,  
I told you a  
million times,  
you-  
oh,  
well,  
nevermind about that,  
then.

You didn't tell me you  
were going to do  
that.  
So do it,  
next time,  
or don't.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
There's a Fire - OK Go  
1000 Miles Per Hour - OK Go  
Wasteland - Augustana  
Good, Or Don't Be - NGE OST

Things to Wiki:  
Groundhog Day, 86 (86'd)

Title partially inspired by There Wasn't by Tabitha Dornoc


	29. Future

**Future**

It's not something  
that can be spoken so easily,  
when each word has  
pages of years and  
hours of sentences  
behind each curve or line  
of thought and breath.

Each moment in time  
carries invisible threads,  
silver and red and  
more silk than yarn,  
woven into branches  
and touching like fingers  
of one who's forgotten  
all the old bedtime stories,  
or how to listen to them.

It's not something with a shape  
or language of human tongue,  
but rather atmosphere between eyes,  
breaths between words,  
shoulders and wrists turning,  
jawbones and palms and ribs.

I don't expect things  
to start making sense,  
or that they ever did,  
I'm just hoping  
that it's not just me  
who thinks it,  
who's willing to  
say anything at all.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Our Deliverance - Indigo Girls  
Monument - Mirah  
Futures - Jimmy Eat  
World World On Fire (Live) - Sarah McLachlan

Notes: This poem (and one of the next ones to be posted, Shift/Gradient) is about a scene in one of the sequels to Awakenings. It's... a very strange conversation.


	30. Conductivity

**Conductivity**

not a switch,  
but a conduit  
for  
the flowing and curl  
and gone too long  
what goes in one  
must come out  
other directions,  
unless stemmed and  
nudged in a slow sweep

when push turns cracks,  
fissures and shards,  
but  
under the  
surface has no ripple  
where it ends and  
shifts into  
necessity and form,  
though not caution or  
readiness

but  
wakefulness does not  
dally or slow,  
will creak the bend  
of temporary  
and into  
what  
is  
else.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Necromancer - Gnarls Barkley  
On Nights Like Tonight - Matthew Good  
Artifact of Power/Shadows Left By Time - Zelda remix

Note: This was partially inspired by **Favourite Part** by tabitha_dornoc on LJ. I also made an AMV to On Nights Like Tonight, which explains this poem a bit more, and you can find the link to my Youtube in my profile :)


	31. ShiftGradient

**Shift/Gradient**

every little shade moved,  
reduced just the fraction  
so nothing is absolute,  
evened and centered,  
until the point where it  
folds and flips and is  
turned over on and  
through itself,  
and such a singularity  
would not only pull in,  
but settle out,  
in the smallest of tremors.

and when at the point  
of loop and shift,  
perhaps one last pause  
and silent cautious question  
before the color  
slowly dusts back in.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Step Into The Light - Darren Hayes

Note: As I said in the notes for Future a couple chapters ago, this is about a scene in one of the sequels to **Awakenings**.


	32. Still

**Still**

slowing down  
everything is  
winding inwards  
softer and paler  
with each step and turn  
quieting  
just enough to hear  
rhythym and  
breath  
of the now.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
various Utada


	33. Before The Bang

**Before The Bang**

when distances get shorter,  
the edges seem less extreme,  
the centers more dulled,  
the angles less sharp,  
the grey miasma  
carrying a stronger gravity  
as the slow and  
incremental dragging  
gradually and  
deliberately takes  
hold.

then,  
from the  
bottom and from  
underneath and even behind,  
from the unfinished,  
the uncertain half-sentences  
and cut-off,  
halted movements operating at  
half the power and  
twice the energy,  
until finally the source is  
unburied and unwound,  
slowly unfolded and  
at last rediscovered.

an intake of breath  
in anticipation of the plunge,  
some few eternal seconds  
of stillness and words forgotten,  
building inertia and  
dilating silently in the  
last moment before  
time speeds up,  
and one rough,  
choked breath  
extends the universe outward  
in a doubleflash skip  
and simultaneous surging -_bang_-

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
The Tower - Vienna Teng  
Hide And Seek - Imogen Heap  
Space Dementia - Muse  
Black Heart Inertia - Incubus

Character Focus: Riku, Sora, and Xehanort.


	34. Question

**Question**

something so far from  
what we thought,  
save the part where  
it was never a  
'we',  
only the subtle shifting  
of gazes and intentions,  
only noticed after the  
space  
has gained enough  
momentum,  
lashes curved one by one.

i shouldn't have,  
is what you would  
never say,  
in the silent scraping  
of feet on asphalt,  
hours passing,  
scorching and  
always just shy of  
catching or catching up,  
pounding and stopped in the  
throat,  
unable to smile  
when i know i should.

when did we change?  
did it happen  
while i was distracted,  
murmuring the ever-present  
caution and prayer and  
bruises under the lids?  
while you,  
somewhere between the  
first of your  
questions,  
the last of your words,  
melting the air like  
iron filings,  
only ever asked it  
once,

but where did you find it?  
though i wouldn't speak,  
only bite at the  
inside of my cheek,  
and everything would  
circle around,  
if nothing else,  
and you wouldn't even  
have to notice,  
as long as it could stay.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Momentum - Vienna Teng  
Feather Moon - Vienna Teng  
Passenger Seat - Death Cab For Cutie  
If There's A Rocket, Tie Me To It - Snow Patrol  
Sympathy - Goo Goo Dolls

Character Focus: Riku and Sora

Notes: This was partly inspired by my fic **Sympathy**, which I've recorded myself reading aloud and have been editing to make a podfic version.


	35. Ribbon

**Ribbon (Discretion)**

don't look so shy  
so sorry  
so guilty  
so very much a  
liar  
and everything goes up and  
away  
to something that's never  
been delicate  
been curved or  
anything but  
rewound and  
rewound  
and eventually  
thin and  
tangled up in things like  
hair and  
fingertips and  
the slightest  
downturn of the mouth  
just enough to  
let out the  
back of the throat

and there has to be a  
point or  
second of  
the doubling  
the reverse  
the ribboned murmur in an ear  
like something smoky  
fumed and  
dampened fog enough to drown

of course  
the one thing you can  
reassure  
is that  
clips and snips and  
cat feet following silent  
would not be  
a progression  
because to incline  
the syllables of logic  
would not split  
but slowly and  
methodically  
repeat in  
loop.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Peach Plum Pear - Straylight Run  
Call And Answer - Barenaked Ladies  
Lithium - Evanescence

Other Things to Check Out:  
The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe  
The "Discretion Shot"  
"Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not." - Oscar Wilde

Character Focus: Riku and Xehanort


	36. One, Or The Other

**One, Or The Other**

He saves himself up  
in little bits of skin,  
slowly building over time  
a small reserve  
of sighs and the faintest  
hint of pink,  
with thin rings of gradient,  
pupils opened and letting out  
some of the black,  
or at least what is  
without color.

It takes time to build,  
like a thousand layers  
of the thinnest film,  
semiopaque and covering  
the concaves,  
too deep to appear that shallow,  
but constructed around nonetheless.

And to build everything like sand,  
faltering and shell-brittled walls,  
is all an indelicate margin;  
for each tidal wave,  
grains under fingers follow,  
again and again.

There's spectrums unconstructed,  
prismless through backwards vectors,  
but only in little bits,  
and it's enough,  
sometimes,  
that they're not needed.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Tidal Wave - Owl City  
Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd  
The Good Left Undone - Rise Against

Character Focus: Riku, Sora, and Roxas. This poem also probably makes more sense if you read Tape II of **Memory's Skyscraper: August** and **Last Night** in **Sometimes**.


	37. Weight

**Weight**

who thought  
it would be a good idea?  
i feel like uphill,  
upstream,  
up something where i can't  
get down.

you were supposed to  
try harder.  
or listen.  
and if you knew,  
then at least be honest,  
when it matters.  
i keep going in circles,  
and can't concede  
as i am,  
or find whatever revelation  
is supposed to be  
lied out for me.

because there isn't one.  
i didn't think  
there would be,  
but things like that  
don't listen.  
we've had practice.  
you were supposed to  
let me prove to you  
i was right.

i still want to.  
even if i didn't have to.  
it was unexpected,  
like usual,  
and yet still familiar.  
like usual.  
you were supposed to  
do something,  
and now i have to,  
and i don't know how.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Disintegration - Jimmy Eat World  
Speechless - Lady Gaga

Character Focus: Riku and Terra, though it ended up a little angrier than I'd originally intended.


	38. Even If

**Even If**

It's hard to tell  
where everything intersects,  
where the past ends  
and the future begins,  
the near-infinite and  
crystalized,  
fired in ovens of  
experience,  
which is really the only way  
that anything sticks.

You can say yes,  
or no,  
or something in-between,  
blurred but not  
indistinct.  
It's easy to point and say,  
after,  
that "this was wrong",  
or,  
"this was right",  
though that doesn't help in  
present tense,  
but that's to be expected  
because that's not  
what it's for.

I think I've come to the  
conclusion  
where I can  
hold up my hand and say,  
"the present flows to the past  
just as much as  
the past flows to the present,  
and neither one  
precludes the other  
from being just as true",  
and know what that means,  
or one definition,  
at least.

It's just that  
the space of the maybe  
is wider than I'd thought it was  
before everything else  
got in and out of the way,  
and that still means something,  
even if that's the only thing.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Changes - Sarah McLachlan  
River Understands Simon - Firefly  
Temptation - Moby

Notes:  
1. This is also about the same conversation that takes place in **Future** and **Shift/Gradient**, as well as referencing **Obligations**, but with a slightly different context.  
2. "because that's not / what it's for" is partially referencing an OT3 fanfic, I think, but I can't remember which one it is, right now. I want to say that it's harukami's Completionverse, but I'm not 100% positive. The line in question in the fanfic is something to the effect of "[that other thing] is what hearts can _do_, but this is what hearts are _for_". If any of you guys know which fanfic that line is from, I'd be grateful if you mentioned it to me in a review.


	39. Decade

**Decade**

and one day,  
we shall fly together,  
on the gossamer wings  
of a smile,  
dancing the chords  
in the shapes of  
familiar constellations.

it's a dream,  
but an old and  
welcome memory,  
nothing that the many years  
are capable of erasing,  
though it might seem,  
at first,  
that everything has changed,  
while we were forced still.

the good things,  
the wonderfully ecstatic things,  
come and go like the  
blink of an eye,  
time seemingly gone too fast,  
while the sorrowful things,  
those that truly test,  
attempt to linger,  
to cause us to weep  
or forever pause our lives,  
but they will never truly  
overcome us  
as long as we see the truth,  
that the cruelties and  
sorrows of this life  
are but motes that will  
fall away when we realize  
what is truly within,  
that no amount of  
hours or tears could ever  
change who we are.

* * *

Recommended Listening:  
Anna Rose - Vienna Teng  
Decade And One - Vienna Teng

Character Focus: Cinderella, Terra, and Aqua


	40. Levitation

**Levitation**

It's not as simple  
as you thought it was,  
but not as complicated  
as it could have been.  
One does not  
excuse the other,  
but it's not necessary to  
prevent,  
unless that's what you're  
looking for.

It's not a question of  
what is or was,  
but what could be and  
what is  
simultaneous.  
The catalyst  
is whatever you  
want it to be,  
but you have to  
want.

There is a point where  
time folds in on itself,  
but to get there is  
not calculated,  
but  
intuitive,  
dragging and conductive.  
Pull from  
out,  
and consume,  
transduce in  
alternating current,  
but quietly.

Absorb in and  
breathe out.  
An inhale,  
and then an  
exhale,  
each in turn.

Count slowly  
from one to  
infinity,  
and then  
back again.

Turn yourself  
into yourself  
once more.

* * *

**Quotes:**  
"Every time it's me against some outside force, I give in and-"  
"Riku, would you can it for a second? How many worlds have we been to now?"  
"Um..."  
"'Cause not long ago, the answer would've been 'one.' But now, you and me have been all kinds of places, and instead of dreaming about what's out there, we only have to remember it. **We've got the whole universe inside of us.** Just let that sink in for a second."  
"...Pretty incredible."  
"All those worlds inside you ,and you know what? **You're still Riku.** Doesn't matter how many 'outside forces' you have to face - because everything you touch makes you stronger. Always has."  
- Data Riku and Data Sora, Re:Coded

**Recommended Listening:**  
Feather Moon - Vienna Teng Planetary  
(GO!) - My Chemical Romance  
Drumming Song - Florence + The Machine


	41. Asymptote

**Asymptote**

It's not as drastic  
as you might think  
it is.  
Just a little thing,  
here and there,  
pulling up things you  
didn't know you knew,  
didn't know you didn't know,  
hadn't imagined you  
skipped over in  
your mind.

Not a big change,  
nothing gained or  
lost,  
just a refocusing,  
for a while,  
a slight adjustment,  
that's all.  
That's all.

It was never intended  
to be a replacement.  
I never presumed myself  
to be more than I am,  
no matter anyone's wishes.  
Wishing does not  
make it so.

It's just that  
I keep looking for words  
to describe what I  
can't grasp completely  
myself,  
always just a hair  
out of reach,  
always approaching but  
never arriving.  
Sometimes I wonder  
if the approach is a  
destination in itself,  
as long as it  
still moves.

But even with these things,  
no matter if the future  
changes that,  
or how far the distance  
from now until later,  
while you are as  
you are,  
as you might be,  
while I am  
both here and asymptotal,  
I can fill in the blanks  
for as long  
as you want.

* * *

**Things to Look Up:**  
Asymptote

**Quote:**  
"You know, despite all my world-weariness and cynicism, I think I've always believed that there is one person in the universe who you're truly meant for - _for whom you are truly meant_ - and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth that you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone. Maybe that's a more comforting notion." - Daniel Handler, _The Basic Eight_

**Recommended Listening:**  
Littlething - Jimmy Eat World  
Sell, Sell, Sell - Barenaked Ladies  
The Approaching Curve - Rise Against

**Character Focus:** Naminé , Sora, and the Riku Replica


End file.
